Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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