i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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