I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
