New invention idea: vibrating tampons
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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