I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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