its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
