My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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