OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
