Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
