Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
