What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
