We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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