Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My liver just had a heart attack.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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