remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
