If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
