I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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