Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Even my vagina gasped.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
