ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
