I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
wanna go halves on a baby?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
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