i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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