Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
