just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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