i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
