so that wasnt chicken after all
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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