you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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