I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
