People in love make me want to vomit
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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