real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
