Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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