i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
tell me about the eggs
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
