Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
