he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize