this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
