sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
