Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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