girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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