I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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