At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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