we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize