I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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