I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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