we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Boobs are out for the taking
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize