AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We had sex on a dog bed..
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