ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
