spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
