i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
