talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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