did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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