i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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