Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
