where does the pee come out of this thing
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize