i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
