So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
