they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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