I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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