I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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