Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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