At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize