Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
