Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
worst night to have a conscience
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
