She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
