I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
