my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
