I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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