I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
