Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I have feelings that need drinking.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
