What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
