the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
they need to just BURY HIM!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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