Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
