question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
