Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize