with your own penis?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
