if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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