The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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