i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
