I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize