her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I could make wine with my vomit
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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