I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
