I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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