My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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