My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
