if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
