Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize