She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
