Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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