Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My bed smells like the plague
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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