Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
