we're chasing vodka with high fives
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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