he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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