I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
