Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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