ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
