i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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