you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
