Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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