Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
