Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(913): View more from Kansas

farters have to be the big spoon...

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet

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(785): View more from Kansas

if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.

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(205): View more from Alabama

And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.

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(503): View more from Oregon

He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..

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(734): View more from Michigan

I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.

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(931): View more from Tennessee

i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome

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(248): View more from Michigan

Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.

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(727): View more from Florida

I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself

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