I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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