I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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