Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
