i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
you had me at cake vodka
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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